Tag Archives: laughing

How (not) to pay me a compliment

I love online dating because OMG funny!

Today’s Study: A lot of terrible ways to pay me a compliment. Plus one excellent one.

Tell Something I Don’t Already Know: youre gorgeous in your pics

Maybe $omeone’s $tyle, but Not Mine: Hey, Wuzzup Wit’cha $exxy!! LOOOKIN’ LOVELY!!

I Already Have a Stable of Fellas Younger than You, but Thanks Anyway: It would be an honor to have you rob my cradle!

Unfortunately I Have a Weird Attraction to People Who Don’t Think It’s Weird to Like My Body: I have a weird attraction to bigger women with thick thighs. [Side note: You must watch this internet awesomeness tearing down fat haters]

In the midst of all this idiocy, there are also some gems. My current favorite is this one: Your body looks exactly like a woman’s body is supposed to look. God, I love all of your curves.

Of course, he got the benefit of saying all that to me in person 🙂 It’s time for the rest of you boys and girls to step up your game!

Not a Math Equation

While I’m rocking online dating, there are still parts of it that suck.

Like the d00ds who have nothing to say but “hi i’m h0rny.”

What do I say back to that? “I am too, but not for guys like you who spell horny with the number 0 in it.”

I’m glad I’m not the only one who attracts guys who are just looking to get laid, and don’t care how creepy your conversation gets.

But my favorite online dating post includes THE BEST SENTENCE EVER WRITTEN:

I’m an actual human being, not some math equation that can be solved by triangulating all of the nearest boners.  – Lindy West

I can now face another round of shitty incoming messages. Perhaps I should just respond with this quote to the next d00d that says, “hey wanna sext?”

Just Say No to Frozen Mullet

The last two weeks of December (and this first week of January) have been busy, full, chaotic, intense. And full of so many perfect moments and endless reminders that I’m right exactly where I need to be.

I wanted these things …

1. Rest deeply when I get the chance.

There was a lot of work. And then there was a whole lot of not work. Yay vacation! And even when I talked about work while on vacation, it felt like it was in productive, thoughtful ways. Rather than the spinning and pre-stress that can happen all too quickly.

2. Notice the things worth smiling and laughing about.

It might be hard to recognize Mr. Right, but you don’t need to be hit by a ton of lesbians to spot Mr. Wrong! If he does any of the following, fuck in the other direction:

  • He wears your bustiers
  • He repeated asks you to feel how muscular his boobs are
  • He offers to treat you to a luscious homemade dinner – then proceeds to thaw a frozen mullet
  • He gives you a stuffed leather for a gift – then tells you how much his ex-finger loved hers.
  • He asks you to foot the bill (again) because he left his wallet in his other pantyhose
  • He admits that, before he met you, he would hire paid queers to go out with him
  • He has a personalized license dyke tyke that reads IM2SXY

Mad Libs make everything better. Especially when they accidentally involve a crossdressing serial killer.

3. Loving on my loved ones.

Lots of love! Surprised my dad – Happy 60th Birthday! And spent lots of good time with my fantastic community of friends and my amazing meditation community.

So good to fill up on love for a couple of weeks.

4. Home office set up & functional.

This week has been the big test – can I actually work from home? The first day back was rough, but it would have been rough even if I would have had an office to go to. The first day back always sucks, plus I had a cold and was trying to sort out major staffing changes.

I finally separated out my work email from my personal email inbox. (Hides in shame that it’s taken 5 months to do this). This felt like a major step in creating some essential work/home boundaries.

Feeling hopeful. Scared but ready. Bring on 2012!

Resting, Laughing, Loving, Settling

With a couple of weeks left before the new year and an intention to restart my regular check-ins, I’m here to find out: What do I want these last two weeks to include?

1. Rest deeply when I get the chance.

There will be a lot of work this upcoming week. I’ve worked too many days in a row already. When it’s time to rest, I want to do it fully. Turn off the work brain. Do things that nourish me: dance, legs up the wall, drink water, read, laugh with friends.

2. Notice the things worth smiling and laughing about.

I’m noticing a pattern where I’m always answering “How are you?” with one of three options: Busy, Frantic, or Working Too Much. I’m not wanting to just turn that off, as much of that is real in my experience right now. But I’m also wanting to notice the OTHER things that are also going on. And try out some different ways of answering that question.

3. Loving on my loved ones.

I get to visit some of my favorite folks next week. I want to make some plans with folks … first I need to tell them I’m coming! I also have a few more holiday gifts to find & send for my nephews.

4. Home office set up & functional.

It’s a little scary to be working from home again. I want my space set up so I can be sure to turn off the work brain when I’m done for the day. It will feel great to come back to my space being in order so I can transition into working from home as smoothly as possible.

—–

These things seem doable. The most concrete things are the home office set up and those presents for my nephews. Everything else is about trying out some new ways of being, or expanding the set of folks I’ll get to hang out with next week.

My shoulders relax a bit seeing that I haven’t made myself a 47 point to do list.