In May, I decided I wanted to be diving deep. I wanted to explore more of what brought me out to the Bay Area, and discard anything that wasn’t fulfilling my needs. And I wanted to play with proxies for things that felt hard.
I did one of these things well, and the rest got brushed aside, forgotten in the rush of online dating energy. I can’t decide if this is fine, or the root problem of one of my patterns.
1. Practice the energy of destruction
I forgot about finishing my project of cleaning out my iTunes library.
It feels like a pattern for me. Things get screwed up, I freak out, and my brain just erases any reminders that I should be working on a project.
Or maybe not. I did leave town for a week, which didn’t help matters. I also made progress on other goals (like getting an online dating profile), which is a WAY MORE FUN project than deleting music files.
But this is the pattern, yes? Leaving messes behind so I can go get distracted by pretty shiny things!
I feel lost about how to resolve this.
2. Play with online dating
I am rocking online dating. Who cares that I left a mess of an iTunes library when I can go find cute people to date?
So far, I’ve mostly responded to people who have messaged me first. Luckily, they have not all asked me about Richard Gere.
I do want to spend some time looking for people I’m interested in. Just the practice of identifying what I desire feels important!
3. Do what I love at work
I feel like I lost sight of this since I’ve mostly been grumpy about work this week.
I’m pretty sure my grumpiness is only partly work related, but now that I read this admonishment to “do what I love” at work, I’m not sure that’s what I’m spending most of my time doing.
Instead, I’m sending email responses to people who sent me pretty snarky, and sometimes offensive notes. I’m doing my best to be on point and not feed the trolls. But I wonder if I need to remember what I really want to be working on?
4. Play with incorporating other activities
I was outside all week while visiting Colorado. It was lovely.
Now that I’m back in the Bay, I am not getting outside nearly enough. I blame it on living all the way up in the attic (two flights of stairs before I can get outside!). I blame it on not having good patio furniture.
But really, I just need to do it. Walk more. Go sit in the sun more. Have breakfast and coffee on the back patio instead of at my desk. Lunch too. Enjoy the warm sun while it’s here.