I have a deep and abiding hatred of Richard Gere.
It started the day I got stuck watching that terrible movie, where he’s in a beach house on the coast, and there’s some woman, so it gets all romance-y, but builds no interesting tension, and I’m stuck wishing it would please God turn into a horror movie so they can both die a bloody death when they get eaten by sharks that bypassed 6,000,000 years of evolution and grew legs just so they could walk out of the ocean and kill Richard Gere and put those of us watching the movie out of our misery.
Nights in Rodanthe? Did anyone I know actually like that movie? (Maybe you shouldn’t answer that. I might not be friends with you anymore if the answer is yes).
But my hatred of Richard Gere goes beyond this crap-ass movie. I hate him because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE SWOON OVER HIM. He is not sexy. He’s a total douche in Pretty Woman – asshole businessman hires escort and saves her by falling in love. Ick.
I should be able to live a peaceful, Richard Gere-free life. It shouldn’t be that hard. I avoid his movies. I don’t click on gossip articles about him.
The damn problem is that he’s a Buddhist. He’s even FAMOUS for being a Buddhist. And I work for a Buddhist organization. We get the occasional book to review, “with foreword by Richard Gere!” Gah! Get out of my life, Richard Gere!
The last time we got one of these books showcasing Richard Gere, I went on an epic rant in front of one of my co-workers. The evolution-bypassing sharks are a mere glimpse at the depth of hatred I spewed that day. She tried to convince me that he was the hotness in An Officer and a Gentleman. Given my hatred of Richard Gere, I don’t think it’s wise to try to watch it and find out if I agree. People could get injured. Sharks could bypass evolution and grow legs.
The universe played a funny one on me this week when I finally set up my first online dating profile.
One of the first messages I got from an interested suitor:
I really like your profile very smart and funny
I did know there was such a thing as a radical Buddhist is Richard Gere one?
I’m trying to decide whether or not to respond to the potential suitor. If I do, I think I’ll just send him a link to this blog post.