I Hate Richard Gere

I have a deep and abiding hatred of Richard Gere.

It started the day I got stuck watching that terrible movie, where he’s in a beach house on the coast, and there’s some woman, so it gets all romance-y, but builds no interesting tension, and I’m stuck wishing it would please God turn into a horror movie so they can both die a bloody death when they get eaten by sharks that bypassed 6,000,000 years of evolution and grew legs just so they could walk out of the ocean and kill Richard Gere and put those of us watching the movie out of our misery.

Nights in Rodanthe? Did anyone I know actually like that movie? (Maybe you shouldn’t answer that. I might not be friends with you anymore if the answer is yes).

But my hatred of Richard Gere goes beyond this crap-ass movie. I hate him because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE SWOON OVER HIM. He is not sexy. He’s a total douche in Pretty Woman – asshole businessman hires escort and saves her by falling in love. Ick.

I should be able to live a peaceful, Richard Gere-free life. It shouldn’t be that hard. I avoid his movies. I don’t click on gossip articles about him.

The damn problem is that he’s a Buddhist. He’s even FAMOUS for being a Buddhist. And I work for a Buddhist organization. We get the occasional book to review, “with foreword by Richard Gere!” Gah! Get out of my life, Richard Gere!

The last time we got one of these books showcasing Richard Gere, I went on an epic rant in front of one of my co-workers. The evolution-bypassing sharks are a mere glimpse at the depth of hatred I spewed that day. She tried to convince me that he was the hotness in An Officer and a Gentleman. Given my hatred of Richard Gere, I don’t think it’s wise to try to watch it and find out if I agree. People could get injured. Sharks could bypass evolution and grow legs.

The universe played a funny one on me this week when I finally set up my first online dating profile.

One of the first messages I got from an interested suitor:

I really like your profile very smart and funny
I did know there was such a thing as a radical Buddhist is Richard Gere one?

Bwahahahaha!

I’m trying to decide whether or not to respond to the potential suitor. If I do, I think I’ll just send him a link to this blog post.

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9 responses to “I Hate Richard Gere

  1. Omg, I hate the Gere too. Also, maybe this potential suitor hates Gere too!

    • I haven’t had the guts to respond to him to find out … but perhaps you are right! Perhaps we could have a torrid love affair based on our mutual hatred of Richard Gere!

  2. Soooooo, that movie was filmed at OBX (and some even in Raleigh, remind me to tell you the route they made him take from Raleigh to Rodanthe.) The movie was crap other than being filmed on OBX. The book was better.

    I didn’t know you hated Richard Gere that much. Maybe hate the screenwriters of his stupid movies more? It’s not like Richard Gere actually rescued a prostitute in real life.

    But that is funny about your first online dating response!!!

    • I did know it was filmed at OBX, and that only made me madder, because WHY SULLY THE GOOD REPUTATION OF OBX WITH THIS CRAP MOVIE? I didn’t know Raleigh was also in the film though 🙂

      I know that it’s completely irrational to conflate Richard Gere with the characters he plays. But I can’t help it! It’s such an automatic response – I see him or even just read his name, and I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. So I’d rather just never have him in my life, ever!

  3. Pingback: If I could only do one thing well this month, I’m glad it’s online dating | Off Trajectory

  4. What a waste of time and good energy hating someone you do not even know .

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  6. You work or a buddhist organisation? Do they know you at all? You don’t seem like a very nice or intelligent person. How does someone who says things like you and who hates get a job in a buddhist organisation?

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