I am Surprised I am Not Failing

This month, I’m trying to get off Facebook. I am not planning to delete my account. But I want to spend less time turning to Facebook as a way to distract myself from loneliness and hard work.

1. Nurture local friendships

At first blush, I wasn’t sure I was doing very well at this. But looking at my calendar, I’ve had 3 coffee dates in the last 4 days with a mix of new people and people I’ve been getting to know. Last Monday, I had dinner with some friends I hadn’t seen in 3 months (they were kind enough to only give me a small guilt trip). Earlier this month, I went to a couple of events where I was open to connecting with new people – and did.

This is where setting goals and checking in is so important. According to my internal sense, nothing had changed. I was pretty sure I hadn’t hung out with anyone. As often happens, I was wrong.

2. Walk or meditate in the morning before getting online

This was going awesome, until it rained for a week straight. When I didn’t have walking as an option, I fell back in to old patterns.

I felt especially hard hit with the combo of rain, daylight savings time, Mercury retrograde, and changes at work that finally are giving me some space to breathe. I didn’t want to get out of bed all week, and when I did get out of bed, I wanted to do something soothing and mind numbing.

Even with the challenges, I felt more conscious of switching to Facebook this week. Awareness is the first step of behavior change!

When it’s raining out, my morning routine will now include time in front of the light box.

3. Writing 5 minutes every day

I am not sure how to evaluate this goal.

I certainly have spent a ton of time writing at work. But I think this is for personal writing.

I have written something nearly every day either in my journal or online at the Floating Playground. It feels like a secret, sneaky way to count up the writing I have done.

Yet, I think this should count toward my goal: “I want to be writing more. I have so much to reflect on right now, tons of blogging material …. In setting this small goal, I get worried that there is not enough time.”

The goal is to get me reflecting on my life, in some small but measurable way. To prove that this is doable, even with everything else going on. And I have – at least 14 of the first 17 days of the month. Given that I’ve turned so much of my attention to rest and restoration, this is actually pretty amazing.

4. Practicing restoration when I’m tired

This month has been a lot of practice in saying, “I’m tired! Of course I’m tired! Anyone would be tired if they had been doing everything I have been doing. It’s time to rest!”

Rest has meant:

  • Reading fiction while relaxing in a warm bath
  • Creating safe rooms for the part of me that’s super tired and overwhelmed
  • Getting some new bedding that helps my bed look like the safe room I keep envisioning – super soft feathery bed, covered in piles of white pillows and the softest blankets
  • Faking a nap
  • Sleeping in
  • Not worrying about any of these goals, or meditating, or anything else that I remotely feel like I’m supposed to do

I felt especially worried about not meditating. It has been such a stabilizing force for me, and I worried it was gone forever.

My catastrophizing mind is surprised to see that I just had 2 days where I didn’t meditate at all, and 4 days where I meditated less than my 30 minutes per day. But over the course of the last week, I’ve meditated for 30 minutes 3 out of 7 days. Not bad.

I am seeing a pattern where I’ve done limited meditation on Thursday and Friday the past two weeks. I may want to be more intentional this upcoming week about incorporating at least a small sit on these days. And notice what is making sitting hard. The end of the work week? A perception that I need to let loose?


One response to “I am Surprised I am Not Failing

  1. Pingback: It’s Good Not to Achieve the Goal | Off Trajectory

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