Bittersweet

It’s been a good year. I moved myself to Berkeley. I jumped right in to training for white anti-racist leaders in movements for racial and economic justice. I got one job, then quit it when I realized it was not a good fit. Before I could officially finish, I landed my dream job. A social movement started, and I found myself in the middle of discussions on racism, community organizing, and the power of peacefulness in the face of brutality.

It’s also been a hard year. I’m learning so much every day, it’s hard to constantly be questioning everything that I’ve thought before. The sheer volume of opportunities in the Bay Area can still be paralyzing. I know I’m in bad shape when I’m terrified to even make a to do list.

The last few weeks, I’ve been blessed with visits from friends and family. Like so much this year, there’s a bittersweet quality. I loved having my loved ones here with me, in my new place. I loved experiencing my new space with these folks. But when they left, their absence was even more profound. My enthusiasm for work and the Occupy movement felt hollow.

I’ve started asking myself, “What am I doing here? Why am I here instead of so many other places where I could be closer to the people I love?”

A dear friend reminded me that I came out here with a purpose – to learn, to grow, to participate in things that aren’t available in our small town. Am I succeeding in that? Yes. Am I finished? No.

He reminded me of my regular goal setting and check-ins I used to do here regularly. I’m not sure I realize the impact this kind of regular check-in has on others. I was surprised when he said, “I loved when you set goals and made progress on them. I appreciated knowing that at least one person in my life was working toward something important.”

So, back by “popular” demand … the weekly/monthly/periodic goal setting & check-ins return!

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One response to “Bittersweet

  1. Pingback: Resting, Laughing, Loving, Settling | Off Trajectory

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